Real Sage Advice

The maze of Senior Services

If you've tried to navigate senior services, you have an appreciation for what I like to call "the maze". Talk about moving the cheese! If you haven't experienced it, let me try to paint a picture for you. Let's say you're working with your Mom, you know she should be moving out of her home because last week when you visited her, you noticed the milk in the refrigerator had curdled, the snow on the front walk hadn't been shoveled, and worse,the gas stove had been left on. You open the yellow pages and see a sea of small ads for senior housing. None of those ads tell you much about the senior communities, so you decide to "google" them. You Google the term "senior housing Twin Cities". You get some Senior Housing Directories, some blogs and some specific communities. At this point you realize what you really need is for someone to say "here are two or three senior communities that fit your financial requirements and what you want in a community." What most people would do is start by contacting a senior community. Which is fine, but you should know the property manager at that senior community has a product to sell. It is her job to make sure she has you come in to see her to sign a lease agreement! So, how do you navigate this maze when you don't even know what the cheese at the end of the maze looks like?

Among the professionals within Minneapolis and St. Paul that have dedicated their professional lives to working with seniors, there is networking that occurs. There are networking groups and conferences and classes that are filled with metro area Social Workers, health care workers, small business owners, and yes, also Realtors who specialize in working with seniors. The purpose of these get togethers is usually to network, sometimes to meet continuing education requirements, but here's the net result. We know each other, we know each other's services, we know who to refer you to.

As a consumer this should make you a little miffed. The senior industry hasn't gotten around to drawing you a map of how to navigate this maze. The problem is these well-meaning people who have dedicated their lives and their businesses to work with seniors are focused on helping their clients once their clients have found them. They haven't quite figured out how to work together to help you find them. Whether you're trying to help your Mom stay safely at home, help her move, help her eat correctly, or help her get a ride to pick up her prescriptions; someone in the Twin Cities Senior network could help you find all of those services.

Here's a tip, start by picking up the phone and calling the Senior Linkage Line. 1-800-333-2433.

Cohousing Challenges

Cohousing is an opportunity for like-minded people to come together and form a community. They are intentional in their pursuit of a community and together they define what the community will look like. It may be a community for seniors, and inter-generational community, a community that focuses on "green living" or a group that shares similar hobbies such as music. Cohousing is something that has taken root on both of the coasts. However, it's an idea still fairly new to Minnesotans. When I teach classes and talk about cohousing, it's received with genuine interest and excitement!

Of course my interest in cohousing stems from my work with seniors. In our society aging is seen as a decline. Today we segregate our elders into age restricted "senior" communities. I see cohousing as an opportunity for our elders to live intergenerationally and to depend on others in the community for daily needs instead of having to move out of their homes into institutions (keep in mind this is a REALTOR(R) advocating for people to NOT sell their homes).

In the Twin Cities Metro, there are two groups of people that have come together with the intention for forming an intentional community. First, Homewood Cohousing is not trying to fit a group of people into one building, but rather, is trying to build a cooperative neighborhood. On the website the first sentence is "we've lost some steam." Let's hope they keep at it. Second, Community in the Cities, is actively meeting, recruiting members and searching for real estate. In both of these cases the people found each other first, and are now looking for a site. In the third case, there was a developer with a site in Fridley, however that project fizzled (much to many of our chagrin). why is it so difficult for this co-housing idea to get kick started in Minnesota?

1. Capital - If I were a member of an intentional community, I would want everyone in the group to put in the same percentage of their income or net worth as a down payment. I would want reassurances that others in the group were as serious as I, and put their money were their mouth is!

2. Logistical housing issues- If 10 families in the group need to sell their homes to have the cash for a down payment, temporary housing would need to be available between the time they sold their family home and the time the cohousing development were livable. In most cases, this would eat up some of the available cash for the down payment, depending on how long the family would have to wait to move into the co-housing development.

3. Legal structure of the unit- It Minnesota there are cooperatives, condominiums, and townhouse, but not a lot of precedent to legally define this kind of housing structure and how each of the residents take title.

While all legitimate challenges, there is a group that has overcome all of them. Monterey Cohousing development in St. Louis Park is the only existing cohousing development in the Twin Cities Area. The residents are pioneers and a model of what can be done with persistence. This movement will require visionary leaders.

If I had a crystal ball.... I think Minnesota Baby Boomers will lead the way to a new way of thinking about housing options. Cohousing will offer exciting new options to our aging population, and greatly impact the number of assisted living and nursing homes we have today. One of the many changes we'll be seeing!

Move First, Sell Later

Here's a quick moving tip for the day. If you're working with an older adult that has been in their home for a long time, it may be there are a list of things that need to be done to the house prior to listing it for sale. It's not uncommon for the house to need paint, a change of wallpaper and/or new carpet. 

If it's at all financially possible, make the move happen first.  That way the house can be de-cluttered, painted and staged without any hassle at all to the older adult.

I know the secret!

I was at a Real Estate Seminar two weeks ago and learned about The Secret. It's about  the law of attraction, and how what we think impacts what we attract. I've often heard from my teachers that there is "power in language" and the colloquy "What you think about and thank about you bring about" and finally "Whether you think you can, or think you can't you're right."

I watched this video on line for $4.95 and immediately after watching it, I ordered it.  What does this have to do with real estate?  Good Question.  Whether you're a first time home buyer wondering if you'll ever own a home, or a seller wondering if your house will ever sell, pay attention to the messages you tell yourself, and what you tell other people. Are you doing things to sabotage your own success?  Click on the link below and watch the trailer. It won't cost you a thing, and you might just feel a little better after you watch it!!

Oprah is doing a show on the Secret on Wednesday, January 31st.  Keep an eye out for it.  Should be a good one!

Co Housing

When I work with senior housing property mangers in the Twin Cities area, they all have one thing in common, the average age of the residents is 85 and older! We are living longer and we are waiting longer to move (sometimes, too long).  So, where then, are the 55-70 year olds going to want to live when it's time for them to downsize out of their current homes? Why would they want to be segregated from younger communities?   Isn't there anything in between? 

The answer is Co housing. Have you heard of it?  There is one co-housing community in the Twin Cities. In an article featured in Good Age Newspaper, you can read about Monterey in St. Louis Park, Minnesota. I've had the chance to visit with the residents there.  It is a intergenerational community where everyone who lives there, participates in the community.  It's quite something.

There are two other efforts currently underway in Minnesota; Homeward CoHousing and Community in the Cities.

Again, looking through my crystal ball, I suspect our baby boomers are going to create housing options that don't yet exist today. These are some of my hopes for these new options:

1. Our elders are not segregated away from younger members of the community.
2.  The possibility of remaining in your home doesn't mean isolation because your neighbors and children have moved away.
3. A community that embraces intergenerational housing where the younger community members watch out for those that are aging. 

It seems I'm hoping to return to the times before TV when we had front porches and knew our neighbors.

Our Attachment to Clutter

I had a revelation today I want to share with those of you that are preparing to help your parents move. As children, we are often the ones to help our parents sort 30+ years of clutter. They have attachments to items that have been packed in boxes that have hardly been used.  We don't understand this. To us, we see old stuff that needs to be donated as quickly as painlessly as possible!

I was working with a client (I'll call him Bill) and his daughter (I'll call her Sally) today and Sally was teasing Bill about an unopened pack of golf balls we wanted to keep.  He hadn't been golfing for years. As he held the golf balls he started to tell stories about the days he would spend with his friends on the course, and how mad his wife used to get that he was not home mowing the lawn.  I'm not sure why, but a light bulb went off in my head.  All of a sudden, I understood that those golf balls represented unused life.  Bill had purchased those golf balls with the intention When we are on our twentieth hour of de-cluttering, it's difficult to be empathetic to this grieving process.  We may insist on tossing or donating something that was left in a box-forgotten without realizing what that item means. 

This "AHA" experience I had today reinforced the advice I give my clients. If at all possible, hire a pro to sort, pack and move you.  It will save you time, anguish, and possibly, your relationship with your parents.

Compare Senior Housing in Minnesota

Minnesota has a huge selection of senior housing.  I've done some commenting on the lack of regulations for assisted living communities. The beauty of this, is you'll find many varieties of housing, at different price points and with different services.  You're sure to find a community that will fit your desired lifestyle and pocketbook.  However, the challenge is making accurate comparisons.  Some charge extra for things like housekeeping, and some will include it in the price.  While you're deciding where you'd like to live, use a comparison chart so you can be sure you're comparing different housing options accurately.  Across the top of your comparison chart, write the names of the communities you're considering. Consider the following table as a tool to compare properties:

Site Name

Financial Obligations

Down Payment ($)

Base Rent ($)

Association Dues ($)

Gas ($)

Electrical ($)

Telephone ($)

Cable ($)

Water ($)

Sewer ($)

Trash ($)

Lawn Care ($)

Snow Removal ($)

Window Cleaners ($)

Housekeeping ($)

Personal/Property Insurance ($)

Hazard Insurance ($)

Garage ($)

Meals ($)

Linen Service ($)

Laundry Service ($)

Health Services ($)

Social Services ($)

Maid Service ($)

Security System ($)

Personal Preferences

24-Hour Staffing

Site Cleanliness

Considerate Staff

Menu Options

Nearby Amenities

Public Transportation

Pharmacy Locations

Activities Program

Common TV area

Emergency/Evacua-tion Services

Well Checks

Guest Room for Family

Controlled Entry System

Emergency Pull-Cord System

Handicap Accessible

Are the current residents happy?

All the Stuff

We all have it. Whether you've been in your home for 2 or 20 years, you have it. I'm referring to what George Carlin famously calls "stuff"-corners, basement, garages and attics filled with "stuff". 

As I look around my home I find I could do without a lot of the stuff, I am not a pack rat, in fact quite the contrary.  I love the process of de-cluttering and organizing a room.  But, I have to admit  there are a few things that I could not do without.

My maternal Grandmother's red hat. It's a winter hat with a black rim around it. My Grandmother was an example of how to live. She raised 8 children, recieved her Bachelor's Degree in her 60's, tutored Vietnamese children to speak English, walked 3 miles per day, and taught her family how to love. I have about 13 cousins and we have all attended each other's weddings.  My grandmother had passed by the time I got married, but someone in my family brought her red hat.  My family created a "hat dance" where we all form a circle, and the person with the hat goes to the middle of the circle and dances a jig, then passes the hat to the next person.  I was so happy my Grandmother (that red hat) was present at my wedding. 

There is "stuff" that becomes iconic of the memories and people we have lost. The longer we live, the more memories, and the more "stuff" we accumulate that-to us- is not something that can be just tossed out.  In fact, for many of my clients that have lived in their homes for years it is the house itself that becomes their red hat.

Obstacles to Moving

Spring is right around the corner, and so is the busy real estate market. Many of us hibernate all winter long, not even thinking of the possibility of moving while there is snow on the ground.  With spring around the corner, many of those that have been thinking of moving, will surface around the same time as Puxatony Phil (Groundhog's Day). 

Then, there will be those Seniors that want to move, think they'll be happier once they move, but have all sorts of reasons not to move.  There are some Seniors who become prisoners in their own homes. There are typically three reasons, (i) the stuff; (ii) the finances; and (iii) the emotional ties. Everyone of these obstacles can be over come. How do I know? I've helped lots of people do it!  It's not like me to shy away from a challenge, so let's tackle the toughest one first. Emotional Ties. 

6 Steps to Saying "Yes, I Can!"

1. Create a memory book.   Take pictures of the rooms as they are before you start packing. Put them in a book and journal about some of your favorite memories.

2. If you have traditionally hosted the family holidays, discuss who will take over.  This is a wonderful opportunity to pass on family traditions, and teach someone else in your family traditional recipes. Remember, the place where you hold your family holiday's may change, but the important traditions can continue! This is a great time of the year to discuss this since we are so close to the holidays.  This is the time of year when I reflect on what is truly important, and it isn't the gifts, it's the people you spend your time with.  You'll be surprised at how little the location of your celebration matters.

3.  Reflect on the reasons to move. The change in the neighborhood, the house maintenance, the stairs, to be closer to family, to be able to travel without worrying about the house, to be part of a community again...list the reasons important to you. 

4. Reflect on what you want your next home to be like.  What kind of community do you want to be a part of?

5. Shop for your new home. If shopping for a senior community, have lunch with the others, ask the people that live there how they like it, explore your options!  Mark my words, you'll meet a number of people who say "Moving is the best thing I could have done. I wish I had done it years ago!"

6. Challenge yourself and the way you're thinking about moving.  How many times have you said "I can't"? I wonder how so many other people have been able to and you can't? Why can't you? If they can, you can!  Instead of making the declaration "I can't" ask yourself "How can I?"  This is such a powerful question.  It will open up a world of options to you.

Moving is emotional. It involves the process of starting a new chapter and making a lot of lifestyle changes.   My hope for you is that you live your life to it's fullest.  If your wish is to belong to a thriving active community of older adults instead of living alone, that you do just that. These objections you repeat to yourself can be overcome.  How do I know? I've seen my client's do it, and these are normal people without superhuman abilities.  If they can, you can.