Time to talk about moving Mom and Dad

The time has finally come to start talking with your mom, dad or senior loved one about moving out of their home. Perhaps the family home has so much deferred maintenance it's no longer safe to live in, perhaps there was a recent fall, or the stove was left on over night.  No matter what the reason, it's very common for the initial conversations to be met with "I don't need to leave my home!" or "I don't want to go live with a bunch of old people".  This is when most of us feel the need to PROVE that we're right and the time IS right to move.  Instead of digging in your heels and starting a win-lose situation with your elder. I'd like to suggest a different approach.

Start a conversation.

Ask questions that address different reasons to move. The answers to these questions are your lead-in to ask how your elder would like things to be different.  Here are some conversation starters:

Loneliness:

• When was the last time you say (enter name here).
• How do you spend your time during the day?
• Who do call if you need help with something? How far away do they live? What other commitments does that person have (job, family?)
• Any other questions you can think of that will help you measure your elder's satisfaction with social interactions.

Nutrition:

• How are you getting to the grocery store?
• What did you have for dinner (or breakfast or lunch)?
• Any other questions you can think of that measure the kind of nutrition your elder is getting.

House Maintenance:

• When was the last time the gutters, stove, or windows were cleaned?
• When was the last time the furnace (or boiler) was serviced or checked for safety?
• Who will be taking care of the lawn or snow shoveling? How much does that cost per week? Are you happy with the service, are they reliable?
• Any other questions you can think of that will measure your elder's ability to keep up with the house maintenance.

When your elder starts to infer they wish things were different, encourage this conversation. This will give you an idea of the kind of community they'd like for their next home.