There's a difference between "alone" and "lonely"

I love being alone. Perhaps it's because I'm seldom in a room alone (I'm not counting my dog or parrot here), or just because I'm an only child. I look forward to time alone to read, reflect, write, or do whatever I feel like doing. I revel in it. I rejoice in it.

But, plunk me into a room full of people where I don't know anyone and it's excruciating. I feel downright lonely. Yes, I'm outgoing and truly like getting to know new people, but I do not like being lonely. Going out to eat alone is another lonely experience I avoid like the plague.

We don't often draw the distinction between being alone, and feeling lonely.

One of the topics I often talk about with families of elderly loved ones is support networks. If the adult children are adamant that their mom or dad must move because they no longer have friends in the neighborhood, I often ask about the support network. Is there someone their elderly parent can call on if needed? Perhaps it's OK if their parent is alone. It doesn't mean they're lonely. And, if the senior isn't complaining about feelings of loneliness, perhaps being alone is not a criteria for a senior to move.

On the other hand, perhaps loneliness is a reason to consider moving. A recent study at the University of Chicago found that loneliness or feelings of isolation can have a negative impact on senior's mental health:

The most socially connected older adults are three times as likely to report very good or excellent health compared to those who are least connected, regardless of whether they feel isolated.

Older adults who feel least isolated are five times as likely to report very good or excellent health as those who feel most isolated, regardless of their actual level of social connectedness.

Social disconnectedness is not related to mental health unless it brings feelings of loneliness and isolation.

As we discuss whether or not it's time to move with aging loved ones, consider whether being alone truly means being lonely. 

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Comments

[Elizabeth]

This is a good distinction, I worry about this with my father as he's lived alone since my mother died a couple of years ago. He's still working, but when it comes time for him to retire, this is something I'll have to watch for since he's not big on talking about his feelings.

[Alfred]

It's painful when people don't understand the distinction. To many people, "alone" and "lonely" are the same thing, and they will force you into interactions you would prefer to stay away from.

The other problem is that many people who claim to love being alone are actually lonely and too embarrassed to admit it.

Without being a mind reader, it's really tough to know what to do when you're basically in charge of someone else. You can't really do what's best for them unless they're 100% honest with you, and most people aren't.

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I really appreciate this post and would like to put my views with all,There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. You can be in a crowd of people at General grand station and still feel lonely. You might use the word alone when you describe the situation: "I feel so alone." However, you're in Grand Central freaking Station. You're not alone. You're lonely.

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I can feel that you have put in hard efforts. Good job!!

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Nowadays most suffer from depression and it is a matter of concern.There is stress and relationship problems which trigger the matter.I think 10% or more than that of the population is on anti depressants.

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Depression is a disease and has to be taken care of with medicines and doctors supervision.Sometimes patients just over look it and neglect themselves.

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You described a great difference between "alone" and "lonely" but from my point of view-You can be in a crowd of people at Grand Central Station and still feel lonely. You might use the word alone when you describe the situation: "I feel so alone." However, you're in Grand Central freaking Station. You're not alone. You're lonely.

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nice to know you! i feel the same too... sometimes i am with a group of people but i still feel like i am alone...isnt it weird

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